That's "Queen Hipster" to You, Square.

Fact: Hipsters are a source of endless entertainment for me.

I have no idea why - I just love them. It wasn't really that I wanted to be a hipster, it's more that I wanted a hipster to call my own, like a little indifferent pet that smokes a lot and listens to music I've never heard of before. We'd have so much fun, my little hipster friend and me. I'd take him to Urban Outfitters when he was good and treat him to a jaunty hat or a pair of oversized wayfarers, and then we could try on skinny jeans and have competitions to see who could pull off the look best (he'd probably win - damn their tiny man-legs). You can keep your pocket pets, Paris and Nicole - I'd rather have a pet that judges me for being too mainstream.

I'm not sure when my fascination with the hipster culture began - it seems like it just sort of happened. I would catch a glimpse of them in the media, or on the street, and think, I don't know what that was, but I LOVE it. And then when someone brought the term "hipster" to light for me, I thought to myself - "Wait, could I be a hipster?" So I went on a personal fact finding mission to see if I was, in fact, a hipster myself.

So here's a rundown of the evidence I found both for and against the case:

First, I started with my closet:

3 pairs of skinny jeans & flats (+ 20 hipster points)
2 pairs of leggings & 3 oversized shirts (+ 40 hipster points)
1 dress from Urban Outfitters (+ 100 hipster points)
2 pairs of flared leg jeans (- 60 hipster points)
2 pencil skirts & 3 pairs of black work pants (- 40 hipster points)
439438493 Shirts from Express (- 500 hipster points)

Ok, so my closet suggested that I was perhaps mostly mainstream, but I still wasn't convinced. I needed more evidence.

Onto my bookshelf:

On The Road (+ 100 H.P.)
Random Book of Poetry from the 40s (+ 250 H.P.)
Journal (+ 50 H.P.)
Jillian Michaels: Making the Cut (-100 H.P.)
5 issues of Glamour (-200 H.P.)
Sudoku (0 H.P.)
Stars of Twilight: Everything You Needed to Know About Robert Pattinson and More (Plus Full Color  Photos)  (-1000 H.P.)

The evidence was getting just a bit more conclusive, but yet, I was still unconvinced. I decided to look in one more place - my iTunes library. I was pretty sure this would give me the hard evidence that I needed to determine once and for all if my five year plan would include sipping PBRs in my studio apartment in Irony-Ville or picking out pewter candle holders from the Pottery Barn catalog for my townhouse in the 'burbs.

I will say that I am quite proud of my taste in music - it's pretty eclectic and yes, I am definitely one of those people who will absolutely love a band and then end up sorely disappointed when all of a sudden, they're featured on some Honda ad and then EVERYONE and their mother has them on their iPods. For this reason, I thought that going through my music library would absolutely be the turning point in my quest for evidence to support my hipster theory. And here's what I found:

My iTunes library:

Iron & Wine (+ 100 H.P.)
Fleet Foxes (+ 50 H.P.)
Vampire Weekend (+ 10 H.P.)*
Phoenix (+ 5 H.P.)*
Kid Cudi (+ 10 Urban H.P.)
Broken Bells (+ 25 H.P.)
Band of Horses (+ 15 H.P.)
CCR (+ 10 Classic Rock H.P.)
MGMT (+25 Electronic H.P.)

*Indie-cred of above artists is debatable, due to increased exposure in multiple automobile and Apple ads*

So far, so good! All of the evidence was pointing towards that (totally deck) studio apartment in Irony-Ville. But then...

Coldplay - British Hipster? Nope. (-100 H.P.)
Britney Spears (-500 H. P.)
Rihanna, Black Eyed Peas, Ke$ha(?!), Lady GaGa, Maroon 5, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift (-10,000 H.P.)

Crushed, I hung my head in shame - the results were in, and I had tested positive ... for mainstream-itis. I was not as indie as I had hoped. I had to face the facts and learn to accept that I was just another Starbucks loving, Britney Spears jamming, brand-name wearing, perfectly ordinary girl. But then ... (Aha!) I figured it out, mostly due to the help of a fellow hipster-lover such as myself - just because I have an affinity for Britney, Katy, GaGa and all their teenage dreams doesn't necessarily make me mainstream ... that's right, it makes me ironic. My silver Honda Civic? Ironic. My collection of Twilight DVD's? Ironic. My Express cotton t-shirts in all 15 available colors, including red burn-out zebra print? Super Ironic.

But then, my question became: do actual hipsters sit around debating the extent of their hipsterness? So I thought back to the hipster squad I had spied in the bar a week or two before and the answer was absolutely, unequivocally YES.

So there you have it folks - meet your new hipster leader. I am Stephanie, Queen of Irony - let there be PBRs and Parliaments for all...

Until Next Time,
S.